The dreaded 'F' word

Tuesday, Aug. 14, 2007 @ 8:12 p.m.

So the verdict's pretty much out, I think... JAG just wants to be friends. Damn.

We exchanged a couple of text messages in the morning as we've been doing the past couple of days. He usually replies to text messages very promptly. I wasn't gonna wait around for him to contact me about the plans we made last night to do sushi tonight, so I just took the plunge and texted him: "So are we still on for sushi tonight?" He never replied for quite a while... and I really hate doing this waiting-for-him-to-respond thing. It stresses me out to no end, and I can't help but keep obsessing about it. Whatd'ya expect, I'm being held up high and dry!

But anyway, he finally responded, but not with an answer. He asked, "What are you doing?"

I wrote back, "Nothing, just lazing around."

And 30 minutes went by without any responses yet again. But he finally replied with "I can't eat tonight, do you wanna have lunch in Korea Town or Thai Town instead?". I said yes. He got tired of texting I guess, and finally called me. We made plans. I got ready and went over to his place, and he drove us to lunch.

I thought everything went well, 'cos we were having a great conversation. Nothing flirtatious at all. I made a huge effort to show impeccable table manners (i.e., not talking when my mouth is full). After lunch (he treated), he invited me back to his place for a tour. We talked some more. At one point, he was examining the dog-bite scar on my nose, so our faces were very close to each other. I stared into his eyes, but his gaze was fixated only on my nose. So I guess there's my answer.

I knew he had to go back to work (he worked from home), so I said something along the lines of, "Should I let you get back to work?", and he said yes. I got a goodbye hug yet again, and I went home.

So yeah, the whole thing just felt exactly like having lunch with a friend. It was very nice, but it was just very friendly. I'm quite bummed out, because I'm extremely attracted to him, and he's previously made it quite clear that he's attracted to me as well... but I guess he's just looking to be friends for whatever reason. At one point last night, I asked him why he was single, and he told me that it was because he wanted to be. So on hindsight, perhaps it's not him being hard to read as much as me being too dense to pick up on his signals. (But what was I to do? I get mesmerized and go 'duh' everytime I see him... and he flirted with me, not the other way round!)

I don't know why he's making an effort to remain single... but I guess he has his reasons. It's entirely his prerogative. If he wants to remain single so that he can just have fun and screw the entire world, then I don't know why he wouldn't do that with me, especially if he thinks I'm -- in his own word -- 'hot'. I can't quite figure it out. But what I do know is that it's his loss. I'm really not an egotistical person, but I do know that I would make a great catch.

But anyways. *Siggghhhhh...*

Now, excuse me while I go curl up into a whimpering ball under the covers for the next few hours. *sob*

Navigate

Contact

Credits

The dreaded 'F' word