Not quite...

Tuesday, Aug. 14, 2007 @ 2:47 a.m.

So yeah, JAG called. We hung out. But it didn't exactly go as well as I'd liked.

Actually, he didn't call, he texted. I don't know what's up with that. He's only called me once, and the rest have been texts. But anyway... we went to Micky's. It started off pretty well, we talked a bit, but then we ran into a group of friends and it turned into a group outing or something. They had a drag show on, so we got a table and just sat there drinking and watching the show. JAG had to wake up at 6:30am for work (and he told me right at the start of the evening), so he left at around 11:30pm. I drove him to his place, just a couple of minutes away. I asked him when we were gonna do sushi, 'cos we'd been talking about that ever since we met. He said tomorrow night (Tuesday night). Again, we hugged goodbye, no kissing or other acts of intimacy.

I cannot figure this guy out. During the evening, he told me something along the lines of us meeting under non-"I wanna hook up with you" circumstances. I don't know how the conversation got there, but he said that sometimes people meet under sexual circumstances, and other times, people don't. He said that we didn't. I really don't know what to make of that. Does that mean he just wants us to be friends? If so, I guess I would be okay with it, much as I would like us to be something more. But friends don't say "I think you're hot" to each other. They probably wouldn't ask each other, "You're so attractive. Why are you single?", like he asked me for the second time tonight. And friends certainly won't ask each other if they're a top or a bottom, as he asked me on Saturday night.

Also, he asked the friends that we ran into to a barbecue he's planning this weekend... whether Saturday or Sunday would work better for them. But he didn't ask me to go to any barbecue. No mention whatsoever.

So either this guy has some pretty screwed up ex-boyfriend/trauma issues, or he's just impossible to read. I don't know what to make of him. He doesn't seem like a promiscuous player. In fact, he seems like a really nice guy. He seems to indicate a certain amount of romantic interest in me, but at the same time, he also puts a distance between us... like the non-kissing and the non-intimacy.

So if he's not interested in me, why the hell would he ask me out!????!?? It's not for sex, because we're not having any. So what form of motivation could he possibly have behind him to keep talking to me?!?!

*Sigh*. If the state of confusion I'm in right now could be converted into energy, I would be able to power the Earth for the next year.

Don't know what to make of it. Don't exactly know what to do. If we do sushi tomorrow, I'm gonna give it one last shot to figure him out. If we don't, then... well, I guess I'd have struck out once again.

I really hate this game. I really do. I was in a three-and-a-half-year relationship with French Fitch, in which I did absolutely nothing wrong except for showing my unconditional love and devotion, even when things started turning sour towards the end. I think I'd make a really great partner for anybody. I'm not high maintenance at all, and I'm extremely dedicated, loyal and faithful. They don't have to get me expensive gifts at all... just their thoughts and intentions mean the entire world to me. I'm very caring, dependable, and accommodating. I'd always rather do what my partner wants to do - even if I hate it - than what I want to do myself. Throughout my relationship with French Fitch, I never once wished that I was single, and not once did I even consider having an affair with someone else (can't say the same for him!). Anything he wanted, I gave... even when it didn't seem like the smartest thing for me to do (as evidenced by the debt that I'm still in because of him). And I'm not an unattractive guy... not at the least, judging from the feedback that my friends give to me (and they'd better not be lying!!).

But I just don't get why I'm not getting the lover that I deserve.

I really like JAG. I'm just wishing that he'd be not so enigmatic... or rather, not so cryptic. But we all know that we can't force these things. So I guess I'll just have to see where things go from here... dead end or otherwise.

Sigh... I really hate playing this game.

Navigate

Contact

Credits

Not quite...