I'm no dodo bird

Sunday, Jun. 13, 2004 @ 11:52 a.m.

I'm a big wuss when it comes to confrontations. It's second nature for me to just cringe when there's tension among the people around me. For example, during the Psycho Professor Incident, when my classmate spoke out against Psycho Professor, I just wanted to disappear. Even though I wasn't involved in the confrontation, witnessing those two go back and forth with vicious verbal uppercuts was simply too much for me to take.

So when I deal with people, I inadvertently take the nice-guy approach. Take, for instance, going to a restaurant. If the waiter/waitress takes a long time before coming to serve me, the most I would do is say "Excuse me, I've been here a long time, could I please have a waiter?". See? Prim, proper and just downright, disgustingly WUSSY. When the waiter/waitress finally comes, he/she will apologize, and I'll say "That's okay!" and proceed with my order as if nothing had happened.

The way I think of it, I believe strongly in the "Kindness Begets Kindness" philosophy. We're all going to be a member of the working population at some point, and we'd all have to deal with customers at one point or another. And I believe nobody deserves attitude, unless it's extreme circumstances. So when someone mistreats me because of a small oversight, I'm quick to forgive, and take the pacifist's way out. They made a small error that they'd already acknowledged and apologized for, so why not give them a break? They're not slaves. If I worked at a job where I'd have to deal with the public, I'd appreciate a customer who'd understand and pardon my mistakes once I apologize with sincerity. And I believe that if a customer is good to me, I'd in turn be good to the customer, and give him/her even better service out of appreciation. And that's how I think, niceness will get me anywhere, simply because if we were to reverse roles, I'd do the most to the person who's the nicest to me.

The waiter/waitress incident happened last night when I was having dinner with French Fitch. Now, French Fitch is very assertive. When we were neglected for some time, he pulled the manager to our table and said "We've been here for 15 minutes, and we still don't have a server." Strict. Firm. Not wussy at all. Me? I cringed, of course. Wuss.

So when the waitress arrived, she started off by apologizing rather profusely. She said "I'm so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking". Instinctively, the words "It's okay!" were coming out from my mouth, but before they did, French Fitch said "What are we, invisible?"

Cringe. Shudder.

French Fitch is always telling me how I'm too nice, and if I don't toughen up, people will trample all over me. I don't disagree with that at all. I see how easily it is for the nice people to be taken for granted, and they do tend to blend with invisibility. If your boss is nice to you, you'd brush off every mistake with "Ahh, he's a nice guy, he'll forgive me", and not be afraid to make mistakes again. If he's mean and gives you a lecture, you'd hate him, but you'd definitely pull up your socks. I see perfect logic in that philosophy of "Nice Guys Finish Last" as well.

I guess the bottom line of my auto-psychoanalysis is that I don't like to be spurned or disliked. If I were a Disneyland ride, I'd be "It's a Small World" where everything is just nauseatingly happy, bright and positive. The problem? The world doesn't work that way. Much as I'd like to think it does, it really doesn't.

I'm gonna have to change my attitude and grow a backbone. I'd like not to be seen as a pushover for the rest of my life. Niceness is great, but to get things done and to get ahead in life, I've gotta be firm sometimes. Not necessarily nasty; just firm and generally not wussy. It's survival of the fittest; it's Darwinism. The inert, non-violent and "friendly" species just go extinct. And I don't wanna be a dodo bird.

I wanna be tougher, harder, and firmer. I know that came off sounding dirty, but it's so not what I meant.

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I'm no dodo bird