Can you hear me now?

Sunday, Mar. 14, 2004 @ 12:51 p.m.

So I was watching a video with French Fitch on Friday night, and my cell phone keeps ringing off the hook. I was out in the living room while the phone was in the bedroom, and I really didn't want to interrupt the movie, so I just let it go... if it's important, they'll leave a message and I'll call them back.

But it kept ringing.

And ringing.

8 times, back to back, non-stop. I was ANNOYED as hell. Whoever it was obviously didn't get the meaning of "Sorry I'm not available to take your call". I stormed into the bedroom and saw the caller ID on my cellphone... it was Tarzan. And it was 12 a.m. in Los Angeles, which means it's 3 a.m. in the friggin' morning in New York.

Now, this isn't the first time that Tarzan has showed complete ignorance and no consideration whatsoever about the time at which he calls me. He was probably piss-ass drunk at some bar, and wanted to blab some drunken nonsense to random people in his phone book. Well, I wasn't in the mood for that, so I just ignored it. We finished the movie and went to bed.

The next morning, my phone rang again at 6:30 a.m. in the morning. And again at 7:08. And again at 7:24. I'm sure you'll understand how annoying that must've been, to be awakened by the phone 3 times before 7:30 a.m. on a gawddamn Saturday morning. French Fitch got grouchy too, so I just turned my phone off, and went back to sleep, agitated as hell.

When I finally woke up, I saw that I had 12 messages since the previous night. So I listened to them, and heard nothing but background noise in ALL of them. There was one when he was talking to someone, there was one when he was talking to a cab driver, but none of the calls were apparently anything at all.

And this, too, isn't the first time that his phone has dialled itself to bug me in the oddest of hours. I kept telling him about the "keypad lock" feature on countless previous occasions, but he thinks it's too much trouble to unlock it whenever he makes a call. So everytime he calls me, and he's wearing some tight pants, I can almost be sure his phone will be dialling the last number (ME) over and over again until he calls someone else.

So I called him and told him that his phone had called me 13 times between midnight and 7 a.m., and I tried to tell him how annoying it was. But of course, being the brand-new Tarzan, he had the attention span of a housefly. Here's how the conversation generally went:

Me: "Your phone dialled my number 13 times last night, and it was 12 midnight..."

Him: "Oh, it did? I'm... hey, can I have 2 donuts please? And a large coke."

Me: "Stop ordering food and listen to me for a minute! Can you PLEASE use your keypad lock feature?"

Him: "I told you, it's too much trouble to unlock it everytime I... thank you, can I also have a pack of cigarettes please?"

Me: "Hellooo..."

Him: "Thanks. Gimme some matches as well."

Me: "HEY! Could you please give me just 5 minutes of your time??"

Him: "Could you tell me how to get to 5th Avenue from here?"

So yeah, I don't even know why he has a phone in the first place, when the longest he can talk on it is 2 seconds at a time. I got pissed off again, and just hung up. He never called me back. Probably forgot that we even had a conversation in the first place.

BAH, screw Tarzan. We used to be good friends, but the way things are going right now, I'd rather he erase my number from his cell phone. At least I wouldn't have to put up with his midnight calls and short attention span anymore.

Go live your fabulous life in New York, Tarzan. Go ahead and disregard the friends that you've had before, because you're in a better place now that you don't need them anymore.

I'm sick and tired of his shit.

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