The glass chamber

Tuesday, Apr. 28, 2009 @ 9:30 p.m.

A little bit over just a month ago, I adopted a tiny little 2-month-old kitty that I eventually named (for the purposes of this diary) Squeaky. In the past month, she's been a vivacious bundle of joy, forever brimming with energy and sheer cuteness.

This past Sunday, I woke up to see her sleeping in her bed, having a lazy Sunday afternoon. I went to work, and came home a few hours later. She was still in her bed, snoozing away. Strange, I thought... she's usually rarely in her bed, instead spending most of her time running around all over the place, wrestling with Smelly Cat, playing with her toys, and chasing her own tail. I picked her up, and she started purring loudly away, like she always does when I touch her. I brought her to her bowl of food and water, and she ate for a little while before lying on the floor. Another unusual behavior - she usually eats like a little piggy. I then observed that she could barely stand up, and walked as if she was drunk. She also felt very warm. Something was definitely not right.

I brought her to the animal hospital emergency room, thinking that she probably had a cold, and the vet would probably just give her some antibiotics before I took her back home.

It is now Tuesday night, and Squeaky is still not home. She's in the intensive care unit of the animal hospital, being treated for what the vet thinks might be feline panleukopenia, otherwise known as feline distemper. The virus had ravaged her bone marrow, and rendered her severely anemic. The red blood cell count for a normal cat should be around 30-40%... and when I first took Squeaky in on Sunday, it was at 8%. They gave her a transfusion, as well as IV fluids to control her high fever (about 105 degrees).

Yesterday, I got good news from the vet when I called for updates - her red blood cell count had increased to 16%. When I visited her last night, it went up to 22%. But her fever was still very high, and she was still very lethargic, which meant that she's not out of the woods yet.

This morning, the vet told me that she was eating on her own, which was a good sign. Her red blood cell count had gone down to 16%, but she remained in stable condition. However, when I visited her earlier tonight, it had dropped further down to 14%. I decided to give her another transfusion and see if that would help get her bone marrow back online again. Nevertheless, the vet kept telling me that there's still a very real possibility that she might not make it.

Another issue that's really frustrating are the costs. In total, everything will cost at least $5000... AND she *still* might not make it.

Everything came so suddenly, and I'm just devastated. She's only a 3-month-old baby! When I visited her, she was isolated in her chamber (because she's probably still contagious), and had tubes sticking out of her. It's a really sad sight so see such a tiny baby in her state. When I saw her this evening, she crawled slowly to the glass door and tried to touch me with her tiny little paw. I could see that she was meowing, but I couldn't hear her through the glass door. Her eyes were very watery, as if she was crying. I put my hand on the glass, and she put her head on the glass right where my palm was. I cannot get that heart-wrenching moment out of my head. She got tired soon after, and went back into a corner and fell back asleep again. How I wish I could have touched her and held her in my arms.

I cannot get that moment out of my head.

I've only known her for a bit over a month, but this hurts a lot. I can't help but think of the unfortunate scenario where it's getting too expensive to treat her, and she's still not improving. As of right now, I have no idea how I'm going to pay the at-least-$5000 hospital bill.

How could I possibly make the choice to put a tiny little kitten to sleep???

Sigh.

Anyway, I'll find out tomorrow if the transfusion worked. Hopefully, I won't have to make any unsavory decisions at all.

Please get well soon, little Squeaky. I hope you'll pull through this, and I can then take you back home. I've only known you for a month, but I miss you like I've known you all my life.

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