Hole in the ground

Friday, Nov. 09, 2007 @ 3:42 p.m.

Things with the New Guy have begun to get a little bit rocky, and I believe that it's my fault. Argh.

Basically, I haven't felt like this about anyone since French Fitch. But now that I'm actually feeling these tingles, I find myself getting carried away when I'm not vigilant. And by getting 'carried away', I mean thinking about me and New Guy as a solid couple when we've only been going out for only (nearly) 3 weeks. It's as if French Fitch left this hole in the ground, and now that New Guy is here, I can't help but feel the urge to immediately fill that hole with with him. But it shouldn't work that way. If New Guy is to make an impression in the ground, he should be the one that makes it gradually. It should be his own hole, and he should not be a tool that I use to fill up another one.

He hasn't said anything to me about coming on too strong, but I think I can sense it. Since we've only been dating for barely 3 weeks, I'm in that 'can't be apart from you' stage where I want to see him every day, hang out with him every day, and sleep with him every night. So far it's been just like that, but it's gone from him asking me to hang out as much as me asking him to hang out, to more of me doing the asking. Last week, when I asked him if I could take him out to dinner, his exact words were "Nothing would please me more!". Today, when I asked him if he wanted to have dinner with me (on AIM), he didn't reply. I thought he might have been busy, so I just let it go. Hours later, I saw him online, we chatted a bit, and I asked him again. No reply once again. I have a sneaking suspicion that he can't bring himself to say 'no', so he's just avoiding the question. Mayhaps.

I don't know if I'm overthinking this, or if I'm being oversensitive, but one thing for sure: I need to give him some breathing space. I've seen him and spent the night with him every day since Tuesday this week, and if he wants to use this weekend to catch up with his friends and such, he should totally have the right to do that. I have to stop asking him every single day if he wants to get together. I really like this guy so far, and I have a feeling that I'm gonna totally ruin it if I don't control myself. Who knows, I may have already set the wheels in motion already.

I need to get a hold of myself. I really don't want to become that needy guy. I simply cannot allow myself to.

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Hole in the ground