Hurry up and wait

Friday, Oct. 21, 2005 @ 6:30 p.m.

Well, the applications went out, and now it's the "hurry up and wait" stage. Despite my miserable scores, I still applied to lots of schools. Everywhere you go in every system, someone is bound to slip through the cracks... and it might as well be me. What else have I got to lose?

Anyway, chances are, I'll be getting lots of rejection letters. That's just being realistic. Which means that I really need to prepare myself for all those letters. If I handle them the way I handled my MCAT scores, I'll be on the next bus to the looney farm. So here it is... my attempt at systematic desensitization.

Dear applicant,
Thank you for applying to the (insert name here) School of Medicine. We have carefully reviewed your application. Unfortunately, we regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you admission to the 2009 class.
But seriously, what were you expecting? I mean, really... An MCAT score of (censored)? What in the world were you thinking?? We wonder if you checked our school's name on your online application by mistake. We hope you did. If not, you need to see a psychiatrist to treat your delusions of grandeur. FAST.
Nevertheless, we must admit that we enjoyed reviewing your application. After tons of overly ambitious, self-righteous and downright pompous application essays, yours was real breath of fresh air. We really, really, really needed a good laugh. For that, we thank you.
We wish you all the very best for your future, but we really advise you to consider applying to Clown School. We have no doubt that you will fit in seamlessly.

Sincerely,
The admissions committee
(We would sign here, but you're just not worth our time and ink.)

*Cry*

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Hurry up and wait