Wake the hell up!

Tuesday, Aug. 16, 2005 @ 11:16 a.m.

Only 4 days left till the big bad exam. The stress is certainly mounting. I've been having trouble falling asleep for the past couple of nights. I actually feel guilty for sleeping, 'cos I feel like I should be studying more.

So while I'm trying to fall asleep, my mind just keeps buzzing with a recap of the things I've studied during the day. Last night I was trying to fall asleep while replaying the mechanisms of the Claisen condensation reaction in my head. When I come to something that I've forgotten, I panic. When I panic, I make myself more alert. And when I'm more alert, it's even harder for me to fall asleep.

And when I *finally* managed to fall asleep, a whole series of bizarre dreams hit me one after the other. Ironically, none of them were about the MCAT. In one, I realized that I'd lost my legs, and I was hopping around on the stub of my knees, looking for a wheelchair. I woke up, heaved a sigh of relief, went back to sleep... and then I was in some kind of geyser-type-thing, and I was throwing rocks in the holes. And the bizarre dreams just kept going on and on, and by the time I woke up, I felt hardly rested.

The worst thing is, I'm trying to wake up earlier so that I can spend more hours of the day studying. When my alarm went of at 9:30am, I was DEAD. I snoozed, and before I realized, it was already 10:30. Got up, washed up, tried to start hitting the books... nope. I'm still a zombie, my eyes feel so heavy, and my alertness level is a flat-line. And because I woke up unrested, I'll probably end up feeling tired all day, and I'll need to go to bed earlier. And then I won't be able to fall asleep, and I'll end up waking up even later the next day, feeling even more tired. WHY AM I SO SCREWED UP!?!??!????

Sigh, I'm a mess. I have only 4 miserable days before the biggest exam I've ever taken in my entire life, and all these issues are just bugging the shit out of me.

I need to get my gawddamn act together. WAKE UP, YOU USELESS LAZY BASTARD!!!!!!!

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Wake the hell up!