The biology of traffic

Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2004 @ 9:47 p.m.

I just saw the traffic forecast on some obscure cable channel, and thought that I had to give this short, geeky, smart-ass, too-obsessed-with-unnecessary-details rant.

The traffic forecast guy said something like this: "The main artery towards downtown will be clogged up tomorrow due to construction".

Now, I happen to know the difference between arteries and veins, and that's arteries carry oxygenated blood away from the heart, and veins carry deoxygenated blood towards the heart. So, taking into context the traffic guy's analogy of downtown as the heart (as he obviously intended it) and the traffic as blood, the statement, "The main artery towards downtown" is a complete oxymoron... because if it's towards downtown (and therefore figuratively, the heart), it should be the veins that will be clogged up, not the arteries. So... Mr. Traffic Forecast Guy, I know that it's impressive, fresh, and different to describe traffic conditions with biological metaphors, but you've gotta learn the biology before you do the analogies. Otherwise, pathetic losers like me with too much time on their hands to watch your stupid forecast will pick you up on it.

... Unless of course, you were relating 'downtown' to the lungs, in which case your metaphor would be correct, and the pulmonary artery would be the correct vessel carrying blood/traffic towards the lungs/downtown. If that was what you intentionally meant, I apologize for my very-much-uncalled-for sarcastic whip. Not that there's any chance in hell that you'd be reading this anyway.

But still, you should have made yourself clear in the first place. Yes.

(If only I put so much attention to details in my academic work. What the hell is wrong with me!?!?)

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The biology of traffic