What's in a name?

Monday, Jul. 14, 2008 @ 5:36 p.m.

There should either be a crime outlawing giving ridiculous names to your children, or there should be a law whereby all children are allowed to change their given names once in their lifetimes (free of charge, no lawyer fees, no massive piles of paperwork, none of that crap).

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt named their newborn twins Vivienne and Knox. Vivienne is actually a pretty nice name, and even if they spelled it differently than the conventional 'Vivian', I'll let that one slide.

But Knox!? Maddox?! Pax?!?!? Those sound more like names of computer operating systems or tradenames of drugs than human names!

Those are bizarre, but they aren't as bad as, say, "Apple", which was what Gwyneth Paltrow named her daughter. Don't they realize that such outlandish and downright idiotic names will get their children teased to no end? Don't they know how cruel little children can be to each other!?!?

There was this article on Yahoo a while ago about some kid from Asia being named 'Batman'. I think his father's name was "Superman", so his full name was "Batman, son of Superman" (he's Muslim). Sure, it's probably cool for the kid, but only until the age of 10. What happens after that?! What if the kid grows up and becomes, say, a doctor or a lawyer?

Say, you're suffering from a horrible illness that requires consultation with a specialist that you can trust. "Hi, I'm Dr. Batman. I'm gonna be your specialist". Or "Hi, I'm Dr. Batman, I'm gonna be your surgeon today. Don't worry, you're in good hands, or my name isn't Dr. Batman."

Or if you're being sued in court. "Hi, I'm Superman, I'm gonna be your attorney." Yeah, I would be *so* inclined to take these jokers seriously.

And if you're a high-profile celebrity, you know there's a good chance that your child will be under constant media scrutiny. It's bad enough if their idiotic names put them under the mercy of their peers, but they're also gonna be teased by... oh, I don't know, THE ENTIRE WORLD???

It really doesn't make you seem cool or original, dear big shot celebrities. It just makes you appear like you're totally retarded and have no foresight, not to mention consideration for your very own children.

And even if you're intentionally giving your children names that make them stand out, at least give them ridiculous or funny names that will somewhat make them appear cool after the age of 10. Like, if your child will grow up to be a big strapping hunky stud of a man, a name like "Ben Dover" would just ooze sex appeal, and be funny at the same time.

Or if your daughter would grow up to be a desperate woman, a name that reflects exactly what she's looking for, like "Amanda Lay", would be of GREAT help.

Or, a name could be representative of your child's personality. If your boy grows up to be a vegetarian, a name like "Brock Lee" would be most befitting.

So PLEASE... take a moment to spare a thought for the people you're actually naming. Remember, with great power, comes great responsibility. That's a quote from Spiderman. He's the neighbor of Batman, son of Superman. You wouldn't wanna mess with them.

Navigate

Contact

Credits

What's in a name?