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Urban Cadence

One year ago

Wednesday, Jan. 16, 2008 @ 8:09 p.m.

It was exactly a year ago today that French Fitch broke my heart into a zillion pieces, most of which I still have yet to mend.

I know it's really weird and masochistic for me to commemorate such a grim anniversary, but I can't help it. It's my thing. I remember ALL anniversaries. First dates, first kisses, what we wore on our first dates, when we first spent our first night together, etc etc etc... I remember them all. I can't help it... I'm just a sentimental person that way. Foolish too.

Knowing that he's doing a heck lot better than I am on this day makes me feel like shit. He's all in love with That Thing whom he'd cheated on me with, while I'm sitting here alone, typing this entry in an empty and lonely apartment. I'm in debt; he's in bliss. I'm in a dumpy apartment; he's in a mansion. I'm a much more jaded person than I used to be; he got nothing but positive reinforcement for cheating on me and ripping my heart into itty bitty pieces. I've been waiting for an entire year for some form of divine justice or karma or universal balance to kick in. He should get something bad happening to him for all that he did to me, while I should get good returns for being the faithful lover and innocent victim that I was.

But... nothing.

Instead, he just keeps getting happier, while I just keep getting lonelier and more miserable.

But nonetheless, I will wake up tomorrow and start another year. The slate will be clean. I refuse to let whatever happened last year to echo throughout this year. He's already got everything; I can't possibly let him get away with even more.

I can't possibly let him get away with my sanity.

I need to let go. I need to move on. From everything. I need to survive. Not to show anybody, but because I deserve to.

I've moped around for long enough.

Now is the time to take the reins over my own life once again.

I will find happiness again. Just you watch.

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