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Urban Cadence

Made a mistake, met a hunk

Saturday, Aug. 11, 2007 @ 11:50 a.m.

I've been bad.

Last Sunday, I got overwhelmed by this yearning to be intimate with someone (read: I was horny). I went out with Pete, I got drunk. Beer goggles came on. Some guy started talking to me, we made out. Exchanged numbers, went home.

Next day, I didn't exactly remember what that guy looked like. He called me and asked me out, so in the spirit of spontaneity (read: I was still horny), I obliged. Got wasted again, ended up going back to his place and doing the nasty. Bad idea.

Now that guy thinks that we're boyfriends in the making. And I feel horrible, because I really shouldn't have slept with him, and when he told me that he liked me, I shouldn't have said "Me too". But what else are you supposed to say when someone tells you they like you? "I don't like you"?? I dunno. It's like a reflex action for me, like saying "Bless you" when someone sneezes. He's a very nice guy though, we have great conversations... but the thing is, I'm just not that attracted to him. He's not exactly my type. It may sound totally superficial, but you can't deny that physical attraction is a great big part of any relationship.

So yesterday night when he asked to meet me out again, I decided that I needed to do something about it. Get the point across to him that I'm not ready for a relationship (well actually I am, just not with him, but obviously I can't say that).

Before meeting him, I went to Motherlode to have a couple of drinks with a friend. And as fate/luck/whatever-you-call-it would have it, I met someone. Someone HOT this time. His face reminds me of a much younger David James Elliott (the lead guy from the now-defunct TV series, "JAG"). We talked for quite a bit, and he definitely seemed interested. He asked me for my number, and I gave it to him (I was completely 100% sober this time, no beer goggles!). I would have hung out and talked to him more, but I needed to meet the other guy to do what I had to do. That's my punishment for being the slut I was last weekend I guess, so it was a cross I had to bear.

Went to meet him, made an effort to keep my distance. At the end of the night, he asked me why I was in a weird mood. I told him that it was because I had a talk with my ex (total lie, but I had to start somewhere), and how it brought back painful memories of our breakup, blahblahblah... bottom line: "I'm really messed up, so I really don't think I should be seeing anyone right now". He sympathized with me, and we shared ex stories for over an hour. Before parting ways, he asked me if I wanted to go back to his place. I said no once again. He seemed disappointed and a little bit pissed off, but there's nothing I can do about that. I tried my best to let him down easily. I realize a lot of this is my own fault for having inadvertently led him on, so I'm feeling extremely guilty about that.

What I'm not feeling guilty about, however, is David James Elliot. He's totally my type, very cute, and looked SO hot in the tank top that he was wearing last night. Very Abercrombie & Fitch (*drools*). Took all I had in me to refrain from ripping his clothes off and licking him all over right there at the bar. We've been exchanging text messages, and may go for sushi together tomorrow. He sent me a message (verbatim) "I will for sure call you", so we'll see what his definition of 'for sure' is. I'm cautiously optimistic, but I'm not holding my breath. I know better than that by now.

That's not to say that I didn't dream of him last night. Yummmm!

(Gawd, I'm such a mess!)

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