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Urban Cadence

No more.

Friday, Mar. 16, 2007 @ 4:43 p.m.

Love makes you do foolish things... sometimes, even after the love is over, the foolishness lingers around.

I have been in constant contact with French Fitch all this while, because (1) he owes me a shit load of money; and (2) I still care about him... after spending 3.5 years together, those bonds don't just vanish.

While he isn't bothering to make any effort to have the TACT to not tell me about his hot new French lover. The same guy that he cheated on me with, whom with when he was all apologetic, I asked for their ties be severed. He agreed, but didn't do squat. He disrespected me, but I got over it because I'm just too darn NICE for no good reason.

But I thought we could at least be friends. I wanted to be adult about everything, and realize that just because we can't be lovers doesn't mean we can't be friends. And friends celebrate each other's birthdays. Which is what he wanted to do for me about a month ago. He asked me to save the actual date of my birthday for him because he wanted to take me out to dinner (it's next month). I agreed, foolish as it may seem.

So anyway... Valentine's Day came, and this Parisian Prick came to visit him. Sooo romantic. And last weekend, French Fitch returned the favor and flew all the way to Paris just for a few days. Wow. So incredily "Lost in Translation". A transcontinental love affair. Simply beautiful.

Today, he sent me a message, asking if he could take me out for my birthday dinner 10 days before the actual date. I asked why, and he said he wasn't gonna be available on my birthday. I took a wild stab, and ask, "Why, you having a visitor from Paris again?"

He answered, "Yes".

Wow. After all he's done to me... and after all I've done for him, not only during our relationship, but even since our breakup... being as gracious and understanding and adult as I could... I can't even have a friggin' birthday without THAT GUY in the picture.

And that's not all. NOOOO. That guy is coming to stay with him for about THREE MONTHS. In the house that I helped pay for, helped to design, and helped to furnish. ISN'T THAT JUST A BEAUTIFUL ROMANCE STORY JUST WAITING TO BE MADE INTO A HOLLYWOOD BLOCKBUSTER?!??

NO MORE. He has disrespected me for the last time. In truth, I've seen Miguel a few times. It's not like we're a couple or anything but I had the fecking TACT to not rub it in French Fitch's face, just because it's not something an ex would want to hear. Yes, even though he's had no qualms whatsoever about hiding his hot new relationship (romancing the very knife with which he stabbed me) from me. I didn't post any entries about Miguel until last week, because I actually felt GUILTY that I was dating someone else. I could not bring myself to face the finality of the "French Fitch & I" story... I was still in denial. Even though I knew fully well that French Fitch had already moved on with a song and a dance... I still felt guilty. I am INSANE.

But now, I am DONE. I AM SO DONE. I'm feeling FURIOUS. I am currently overcome with such RAGE. And to think I did it all to myself. I gave my patience, graciousness, and understanding to someone who kept taking and taking and didn't reciprocate. Who keeps leaving piles of SHIT on my head.

I am crying, but for the first time in a while, it is not tears of sorrow over him. It's tears of sheer anger. Honest-to-goodness, disillusioning, sobering anger.

I'm going to use this anger to sever any remaining emotional ties that I have towards him. He has disrespected me for the last time. And by that, I mean that from hereon, there is nothing he could possibly do that would hurt me even further.

I would sooner die than to allow it.

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