So alone

Friday, Jan. 19, 2007 @ 10:59 p.m.

I'm such a mess.

I spend about 20 seconds of every minute feeling angry, disappointed, and betrayed.

And then the next 40 seconds, I miss him so much.

Everything reminds me of him. Things like "We saw that movie together", or "We bought that together", or "We used to do this together". He was such a big part of my life... and now all of a sudden, he is gone.

I have never felt so alone before. Not even after the breakups I've been through previously. I guess it's because three and a half years has been the longest relationship I've had.

The relationship may have ended in disaster, but 95% of it was filled with nothing but happiness. And it's the happy memories that are the hardest to let go. It's the ones that sting the most. How can such fond memories be so torturous at the same time?

I wish I could make the pain and loneliness go away. Oh gawd... please go away...

I can't take it anymore.

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So alone