Sad news

Sunday, May. 29, 2005 @ 12:35 p.m.

I absolutely dread those moments when you're awakened in the morning by the news of someone's passing. Of course, it's even worse when it's someone close to your heart, but even when you hardly know that person, it's still not a good feeling at all.

This morning, it was the latter. I didn't know him much, but French Fitch did. At least, for a period of time. He was extremely shocked, and I can completely understand why.

See, this guy who passed away (I'm gonna name him Eddie) was a rather weird character. He was a chronic compulsive liar. He would talk himself up with his Hollywood connections (and other things) when he didn't have any, and after you talk the talk for a while without any proof or signs that you're telling the truth, people are gonna catch on to you.

This was exactly what happened to French Fitch. They seemed to be very close when I first started going out with French Fitch, and then many months ago, he just got tired of his chronic lying. French Fitch wasn't into his friendship with Eddie for his connections at all (he knew very well that he didn't have any), but Eddie was just too flaky to be a close friend with. Eddie would tell really wild stories that are just plain unbelieveable, and after months and months of trying to be at least amiable and supportive with him, French Fitch (and a few others) decided that Eddie was a negative influence on their lives, and with good reason too. Even when French Fitch called his bluff, Eddie still insisted that the lies he told were true. And for that particular incident, there was no way at all that Eddie was telling the truth. Let's just say that he was lying about something that was actually verifiable via mutual friends.

The thing is... between French Fitch and Eddie, they left things at a less than pleasant note. That was the last time that they communicated with each other... until the news this morning. He had a heart attack... and he was only in his early 30's.

You know, people have a right to choose who they want their close friends to be, and they have the right to choose who they want to shut out of their lives. Everybody does that, and that's the only way to survive in this world. There's always gonna be someone that you're on bad terms with. But when you shut people out from our lives, no matter how much injustice they've done to you, for most instances, you just never wish death on them. You may wish them many bad things just out of spite, but death is always (for me at least) too high of a price to pay for anything at all. You may even say that you wish so-and-so were dead, but you never mean it. So when you shut someone out from your life, you just hope to cease any contact from that person whatsoever... and no news is good news from that point on. You don't want to hear about good things that happen to them, you don't want to hear about bad things that happen to them, you just don't want to hear anything, period.

But when you do hear about that person's death, a myriad of mixed emotions just comes hitting you at full force. Sympathy, shock, unacceptance, and the worst emotion of all... guilt. On one hand, you're guilty that things that transpired between you and that person are going to remain unsettled forever. But on the other hand, we justifiably leave things unsettled and friendships broken everyday, and it would be unrealistic to say that we could completely avoid that. Because life just happens, and making and breaking relationships or friendships is all part of life. And if life happens... so does death, which comes and goes with just as little warning as life does.

I may not have known Eddie very much at all, but my heart still hurts to hear about his passing. I often wonder what he was looking for in his life, but I sincerely hope that he finds peace now... and that he forgives us for our human imperfections.

Navigate

Contact

Credits

Sad news