Short-changed

Tuesday, Mar. 08, 2005 @ 4:16 p.m.

I'm feeling pretty damn low right now.

See, I did a practice MCAT exam. I didn't prepare at all, and so I wasn't expecting astounding results. I just wanted to get a feel of what that damn test was like, the subject areas covered, and how detailed the questions are... stuff like that.

So what did I expect? Of course, I expected to fail miserably. After all, I learned all the material involved over a span of at least 4 years. I could hardly remember critical equations and stuff from a physics course that I took 2 semesters ago. But I expected to at least recognize the subject matter covered. As long as I've seen those types of questions before, I could reopen old textbooks and notes to bring them back into my head. Re-familiarize myself with the complicated stuff.

But what happens when I come across a question that dealt with subject matter that I've never seen or even heard of? Stuff that you've never covered over all those previous years of schooling?

That's where I am right now. Defeated. At first, I came across basic chemistry questions that I'd forgotten how to do. That was crushing, but still that was perfectly alright, because I know I've done it before, I can brush up and do it again. After all, I got A's in all my general chemistry, physics and biology classes. BUT... then came one question that seemed to me like a foreign language. I didn't forget how to do this one. No... I've never even heard of the words and terms used. I skipped that question, only to behold another completely unfamiliar question. And another. And another.

A few of them had to do with waves, optics and thermodynamics. That was stuff from physics, but I remember my professor completely skipped those sections because he couldn't complete the syllabus on time. I can only assume the stuff that I haven't heard of resulted from similar incidences from other classes. Classes that I took from the crappy college before I transferred to Dream College. Or should I say, incomplete classes.

I just can't help but feel so utterly overwhelmed right now. Before, I knew the MCAT presented a huge challenge ahead of me, not only because I had to review stuff from years ago, but also because I had to compete with all the other pre-med students in the United Friggin' States. And now... finding out that there's a shitload of stuff covered that I haven't even heard of just sticks the nail in the coffin. I don't even know where to begin. I don't even know what specific subject areas I'm missing. I don't know exactly what I'm up against.

Am I being over-dramatic right now? Gawd, I sure hope that I am. I hope that this sense of futility will dissipate soon enough, and I can get up, and keep on trying. As of this moment, I have zero confidence. I feel short-changed. I feel cheated. I feel like I paid so much money to get educated, worked so hard throughout these past years, only to find out that I'd purchased a faulty product... while the world around me keeps going as though nothing had happened. Incompetent professors just keep getting paid, students who weren't short-changed just keep getting into medical school... and I'm stuck with a consequence in which I cannot blame anyone in particular for.

Gawd, I seriously hope that I'm just over-reacting. I don't like to feel like a loser. I don't like to feel hopeless. I don't like to feel like the one who's been given the short end of the stick.

Or am I simply thinking too highly of myself?

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