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Despair

Wednesday, Jun. 02, 2004 @ 4:55 p.m.

Today was a miserable day. I've never gone through an entire day feeling so negative before. I'm completely flipping out, and I hate feeling this way.

I got up from the wrong side of the bed this morning. I don't remember what I was dreaming about, but it didn't leave me feeling good when I woke up... like something bad was going to happen. And then a call came from a classmate. Bad news.

Backing up: Yesterday, my physics instructor went mad, because the majority of the class did pretty bad in the last exam. So he gave us all a lecture on basically how stupid we were. Not in those exact words, but that was the point. This classmate of mine spoke up against him, and he fired back at him, humiliating him in front of the whole class. So he went to make a complaint to the head of department.

So that was him that called me this morning, and told me that Psycho Instructor was on the warpath after hearing about the complaint, and wanted to report my lab group (which included that classmate who complained) for academic dishonesty. First of all, all our lab results are the same because WE WORKED ON THE EXPERIMENTS TOGETHER. So I have no idea what Psycho Instructor wants to do, but if he actually goes ahead with it, it would jeopardize all of us, and my plans with Dream College would be GONE.

I'm feeling really horrible because I had nothing to do with my classmate's complaint. HE did the complaining, so if they want to fight it out, they should keep it between themselves. Leave the rest of the group out of it. I guess he just couldn't resist getting us all into it because we always seem to be having fun during lab sessions. But we do get our work done, so why should that bother him? It's not high school!

But I'm scared. I'm really freaked out. My final grades are in the hands of a madman, and if he decides to fail me, even if he has no reason to, he'll find a reason to, just because of guilt by association. We can protest all we want, but ultimately, he can do what he wants. So there's really no use in angering him any further.

I've been feeling really trapped and just horrible all day. I'm dreading what Physics class will be like tomorrow. And finals are coming up next week, and everything is just a huge mess in my mind right now. I'm completely stressed out and depressed. I tried to call French Fitch, but he's really busy at work today and can't talk much. And to top it all off, he's a little grumpy today because I kept him awake all night last night with my snoring. And he's got plenty of other things that he's already stressed out about. So... no comfort for me on that front, at least for now. He's got enough on his plate, and the last thing I want to do is to add on to it.

I don't know what to do. There's nothing positive that I can think about. And I have a quiz tomorrow, but I just can't study, thinking of what would happen if Psycho Instructor does his thing and my offer from Dream College is rescinded as a result. I don't have any backup plans, because when I responded to Dream College's offer, I had to turn all the other colleges down.

Right now I'm wishing that I hadn't woken up today.

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