The mourning after

Sunday, May. 02, 2004 @ 11:26 a.m.

Well, the past 2 days were pretty traumatic for me. Many months ago, I applied to a certain university, and I heard from them a couple of days ago. It basically said (politely) that I sucked. But not only that. They also implicitly implied that I was a lower life-form than a certain individual. I shall not say his name, but I'm wondering if the only thing he has over me is that He Bangs. And that's just really sad.

Yeah well, I got rejected. It's really not a good feeling at all. However, there is one more college that I haven't heard from yet, and this one I really want to get into. And many friends around me have already got accepted. And I'm hanging in this limbo, and I swear, it's the worst feeling in the world. I've been rejected from one other college, but I never wanted to go to that one anyway, so I really didn't care. But the rejection from 2 days ago really hit me hard, because it reminded me that judgment day for my top-choice-college is just around the corner, and if I were to receive the same bad news, I would feel a billion times worse.

I've been so on-the-edge the past couple of days. I couldn't really sleep. I was wide-awake at 8 in the morning yesterday, on a Saturday morning. This weekend is positively the worst weekend ever. And the two possible scenarios for the Dream College (accepted and rejected) keep playing over and over again in my head, and I am so afraid to even hope for the best, because the more I hope, the more I would be disappointed if it doesn't go that way.

I'm a complete wreck, and I can't seem to snap out of it. French Fitch has been so amazingly sweet that he felt my grief almost as though it was his. He keeps saying that he wishes he could do something, but feels so helpless because there's nothing he could possibly do. But he made me laugh and smile quite frequently yesterday, and he's certainly making these days a little easier. If I were going through this alone, I'd probably have ended up in the asylum. I'll be sure to thank him after I get through this.

Can I sue that certain college for emotional distress? The way the judicial system in this country is going, you never know. Especially when you have cases like finding a certain sportsman guilty of covering up something, but not guilty of the thing he was found guilty of covering up for. And U.S. still wonders why the rest of the world is laughing at us.

Well, with universities accepting Mr. "She Bangs" over other normal people who actually have a functioning sense of self-awareness and calling him an "inspiration"... is it a wonder?

No, I'm not bitter. Seriously.

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The mourning after