Not an Average Jane at all

Tuesday, Apr. 06, 2004 @ 6:33 p.m.

I'm still not over the Jennifer Lifshitz thing. I saw a snippet of her post-elimination interview again while watching "Average Joe: Adam Returns" last night. She was crying, but remained optimisic. "There is someone out there for me... somebody's got to realize what I'm about". My heart melted again. She always had a smile on her face, and even after getting the boot, she was still trying very hard to smile against her tears... I mean, how can anyone not be touched by her spirit?

I don't know, but there are many people out there who weren't. I read a few random messages off the show's message boards, and there were a few people who basically said "stop crying and whining, and get over yourself, geezus!". Of course, there were also quite a few that poked fun at her appearance. For some reason, I found myself taking it almost personally. I spent a good part of last night thinking about why Jennifer's elimination was affecting me so badly.

Well, it wasn't too hard to figure out. I could relate to her on so many levels. She's admitted many times during her interviews that she knows that she's not the classic all-American beauty, and even makes jokes at her own appearance. I don't think she's being too self-pathetic at all if she's able to do that. I don't think her pouring her feelings out on national television constitutes as "whining". On the contrary, I see that as her virtue of pure honesty. She's a very genuine person, and she's not afraid to open herself up. It takes a whole lot of courage to announce on national television that she hasn't had a boyfriend before, when she could have simply kept it to herself and saved herself from embarrassment and potential public ridicule and condescent. By making her decision to be a part of the show, and consequently subjecting herself to the very harsh scrutiny of the American public, she's more than proven that she's a firm believer in "nothing ventured, nothing gained". She's not afraid to face negative consequences as long as there's a chance that she might succeed, no matter how slim the chances are. She's got an amazing sense of optimism and hope. She's got so much strength in her heart of pure gold.

And those are the very qualities that I lack. I've consistently had a problem with self-esteem, and I wish I had Jennifer's impeccably positive attitude. I wish I can smile right at the face of disappointment. I admire her courage and strength to face the perpetually disparaging and critical society that is around us all the time. I'm very envious of her qualities. That's why I've been so captivated by her.

A person may have a heart of gold and a beautiful personality, but if that person doesn't have the strength to let them shine through whatever's on the exterior, society will mercilessly drown them out... and all those qualities would have been for nought. If I lived my life everyday afraid of doing everything from the fear of negative consequences, I might as well not do anything and not live at all. If I don't learn to stand up for myself and my hopes, and I let everyone just walk all over me, I'm just as good as a floor mat. I might as well not live at all.

Bless your heart and soul, Jennifer. You are truly a beautiful person, and though you may never know, you are an inspiration to me and countless others. Never falter to naysayers around you, and always stay strong and positive like the person you already are. You were absolutely right in your exit interview... there is someone out there for you, and many people have already realized what you're all about.

You WILL end up with somebody. And he will be extremely fortunate to have you.

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Not an Average Jane at all